Dana's Birth Story
OK, so don't read this if you don't want to know way more about birth than you really want to.... :)
I Have Some Clues: Thursday, October 23rd, 11:30am
It's one day before my due date and I am in the same foul mood that has plagued me for the last weeks of my pregnancy. I have been suffering for weeks with what's known as "pregnancy hives" (aka PUPPS), which pretty much translates to "unbearably itchy bumps that cover your body and won't go away or be lessened in the slightest until you pop this baby out and then sometimes not even then". NOTHING helps them. They are itchier than anything I've ever been afflicted with and it looks like poison ivy ALL OVER YOU. Pretty, yes, I know. I didn't leave the house much those last few weeks. I didn't have any clothes that fit me anyway, so it didn't really matter. :) I can smile about this now. :)
I was taking one of my daily baths of Aveeno, during which I cried heartily daily because I was so huge and could barely believe how freakishly big I was and how much effort it took just to sit in a bathtub and turn over from side to side, and I started feeling like I was going to start my period. Chan, my birthing class instructor, always said, "if you're 38 weeks and you feel like you're having menstrual cramps: YOU AREN'T!" This can be a warning that labor is on the way.
Around 12:30pm, I called Lane and told him that JUST IN CASE, he ought to prepare his office and email as though he weren't coming into work that next day. I knew I wasn't in labor at the moment, but I figured better safe than sorry.
Around 3:30pm, I called Lane to say that something was different. I was cramping a little, but I thought it might be gas. :) It often was in the last trimester, so go figure. Around 5pm, I was pretty sure that SOMETHING was going on and it might not be gas. It could still very much be "false labor", so there wasn't any point in alerting anyone to anything.
Now I'm cramping pretty regularly. I'm timing things with our handy-dandy stopwatch (something Mom said not to get, that a watch would do, but let me tell you it was a VERY good thing to have because toward the end it was pretty difficult to do much more than press the buttons to time them) but they're not as frequent as they need to be to get all excited or anything.
By 9:30pm, I'm almost certain I'm having Real Labor. There are rules about false versus true labor, and they are that in order for it to be true labor, your contractions must be ALL OF THE FOLLOWING over time: increasing in length, increasing in frequency and becoming more intense. If it's only one or two out of the three, you're having false labor and you should get too excited. Another rule about labor is that before you go to the hospital or birthing center, you need to be 5-1-1, which means that you need to have contractions coming 5 minutes or fewer apart, lasting for one minute or more and you must exhibit this pattern for one hour. Mine were coming 10 minutes apart and lasting for 45 seconds pretty consistently for hours. At this point in time, I call my parents. Mom was going to be in the birthing room with Lane and me, so they needed an extra heads up. Mom and Daddy decide to come on into town and get a hotel. It could be HOURS yet until I go to the birthing center, and Mom figured she had more of a chance of sleeping when she was 10 minutes away rather than an hour away.
Around midnight, my contractions were still the same, so we went for a walk around the block to try to speed them up. Walking is supposed to do that, but instead mine slowed down and got shorter! Very frustrating. When we got home around 12:30am, however, they came on again full force. Just in case this is the Real Deal, I put on waterproof mascara. (I have no idea why, I had already forbidden photos of me during/after birth. I just thought this was a detail I'd share with you.)
By this time, I'm tired. It's my bedtime, after all! Lane and I decide to try to sleep on the sofas. He takes the short one and I take the long one. We put the TV on the "soundscapes/atmospheres" music station and he conks out. I manage to drift in and out of sleep between contractions.
By 3am, my contractions are coming 5 minutes apart or less, but they're still only 45 or 50 seconds. Because of their intensity, I'm telling myself, if it's still this bad in 30 minutes, I'll call the birthing center. At 3:30am, I tell myself the same thing. By 4am, I'm starting to moan a little with each contraction, and as the clock clicked over to 4, I woke Lane up. "Call the birthing center!" And he does. Dianne, one of my favorite midwives, was on duty, and she asked to speak to me. I was able to talk to her until a contraction started, at which time I threw the phone to Lane. She told us to come on in, and we began to slowly gather up my stuff.
When I went to the bathroom prior to leaving, I saw bloody show. This basically means I had some bloody discharge. Bloody show (great name, right?) is a precursor to labor. If I weren't ALREADY in labor, it would mean labor is coming in the next 72 hours. Mine was already there. I stood up to find that I'd lost my mucus plug on the floor when I stood up. Pretty. I flushed it down the toilet. (Yay, my father didn't have to find it after we'd gone!) I put on some Depends undergarments (these are INVALUABLE to birth and postpartum) so I wouldn't have to worry about the discharge.
Now, girlfriends keep asking me what labor feels like. Up until the last hour or so, it wasn't any HUGE big deal, though I couldn't walk during the contractions, I could only stand and concentrate really hard on the seconds ticking by. Counting helped me. They start in a wave, slowly, like a muscle cramp in your stomach and increase over the seconds to a giant charley horse in your abdomen and just when you're not sure you can take it much longer, they abate. The last 30 minutes or so, I started low moaning with each contraction. (We're told low sounds are better than high-pitched sounds, so I moaned from my gut.) Basically, labor wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I could do labor again. I've had periods in highschool that had cramps that came close to labor, only they didn't last as long and I took a lot of midol for it. :)
We get to the birthing center and Dianne does an exam. She tells me I'm "more then 5cm dilated" and that we can stay (if I'm less than 4, I have to go home). (I found out later that I came in at 7cm - AMAZING - but she didn't want to tell me that.) She says I'm doing really great to have made it this far at home by myself. Mom and I had had a LOT of questions up until the birth, and I think they thought I was going to freak out about labor and they kept recommending a doula (a birthing coach) for me. Later, Dianne told me that a doula is mostly for getting dilated as far as I already was, and that obviously I didn't need one and that I was really impressing her as a first-time mom on that front. During the contractions now, I didn't want ANYONE to touch me. I'd begin to have one and I'd just freeze and ride it out. Mostly I walked around, but sometimes I sat. We had our CD player and we were playing ABBA's Greatest Hits. Mom and I were singing and I was clowning around like I was in Saturday Night Fever.
Dianne gave me some herbs for pain and I ate some pudding. I lay in bed for a while and promptly threw up everything I had eaten and drunk. This, they tell me, is a totally normal part of labor for some women. Yay, vomit. Kristin, the birthing assistant, was really comforting during this, as was my mom.
Around 6:30am, I feel like pushing, and I broke my own bag of waters. BOY, did pushing ever feel good. We checked it to be sure it wasn't murky (a sign of meconium they baby would be breathing in), but it was good and clear and all was well. FYI, the Depends caught ALL of it, and there was a lot of water. Four cups, I'm told, so these things are really good.
Around 9, I found myself in the tub, trying to sleep. I think Dianne thought I might have a water birth, but I wasn't comfortable pushing in the tub. I felt very out of control and weightless and I needed gravity to ground me. I got out of the tub. I tried the bed, but this made me too relaxed, and they needed me to be more active to stimulate labor. The birthing ball did nothing for me, so on to the birthing stool. This was great.
The birthing stool was good for pushing. I pushed so hard that by 12pm I was exhausted. Lila's head just wouldn't get past my pubic bone. We were having real trouble with that. She was coming out on the side of her head, and she was just so forward in my body that she wasn't slipping under the bone as she should. They tied a scarf around my belly and tried to force Lila into place. Dianne kept trying to do internal exams, but they really, really (I'm not kidding here) REALLY hurt and I kept begging her not to. I was rapidly turning into a whiney, willful baby . :) LOTS of bargaining. (If you let me rest 5 minutes, I'll push hard for 30...that kind of thing.)
Sometime after noon, Jean, what you might call "head midwife", the owner of the birthing center, came in to check on me. I had been pushing for a long time and things were starting to slow down. We had been listening to Patsy Kline, but Kristin had us put back on ABBA to liven things up. She gave me herbs to speed up my contractions again and was feeding me sherbet to get my blood sugar back up. I was really tired. Jean suggested an I.V. to get me rehydrated and to get some nourishment into me. I resisted, but she was persistent and I ended up taking three bags of glucose through an I.V.
The pressure on me from the birthing stool was really great, so we moved to the bed again. Unbeknownst to me, Jean told my mom that if I didn't make "serious progress" in the next hour, I would have to be "transported" (aka, "go to the hospital"). Mom took one leg, Kristin took the other, Dianne was in position to "catch", and Jean coached me through pushing harder than I had been to get Lila's head into place. She suggested a catheter to drain any extra fluid from my bladder that might be blocking Lila's head. I also begged not to have this. I got one anyway, and that hurt a lot. :( Lila's head did get beneath my pubic bone, however, so that was a good thing! Then Jean got a knotted sheet and we played tug-of-war during my contractions to get extra "oomph" in my pushing. Then Lane moved into place to tug while Jean evaluated.
Lila seemed to like having Lane on the other end of the sheet, and we tugged MIGHTILY for almost an hour. (Later, I discovered I had bruises on my hands from gripping the sheet. They lasted for almost a week.) I started to tear, and Jean had to do an episiotomy, something I didn't even know was being done. They mentioned possibly having to do one, and, of course, I begged not to have one, but Mom, knowing Lila wouldn't be born vaginally without one, told them to do one anyway, so Jean did. I didn't even feel it, believe it or not. Each contraction was a flurry of activity, with people leaping into position to pull my legs back, to pull on the sheet, to cheer me on. Lots of "you can do it!" and "come on!" and "one more push" (something that was a total lie - they said that LOTS there at the end). :) Eventually, though, it WAS "one more push", and Lila came spurting out. Her head was coned on one side from all the pushing. I pushed for so long that her head was temporarily malformed in the birth canal. We were told this might not go down for several days, but it was almost normal looking in only a matter of hours. She was also really puffy, we believe from water retention, just like her mommy. The swelling of both head and body caused her to weigh more than she might have and to be counted as longer than she actually was. (9lbs lloz, 21 1/4") It was 1:42pm. ABBA was still on, but I couldn't tell you what song. Lila came on her EXACT due date, something that only 5% of all babies do. Good girl, Lila. :) It was the day of the new moon, and the first cool front of the season. Lila is a Scorpio, cusp with Libra.
They put her on my belly immediately, and Lane moved to cut the cord. It's funny, but he had been really stressing about cutting the cord, but after all he had seen from his ringside seat to my vagina giving birth, he said the cord was "the easy part". He told me later that mostly it was me in a pool of blood with lots of grossness. I lost a lot of blood. :( Sometime shortly after, they had me push to deliver the placenta. That part was NOTHING at all compared to delivering Lila. I mean, it was easy. I didn't lay eyes on the placenta until much later that afternoon, but let me tell you it was HUGE. At least three pounds of what looked to be a huge long platter of liver covered on one side in blue veins the size of my fingers that came together in the umbilical cord, a white and blue cord bigger than any of my fingers, maybe the width of a malformed garden hose. YUK, but interesting, if you know what I mean. But it made sense: big baby = big placenta!! We didn't keep it or anything (some people do). We let the birthing center dispose of it!
They took Lila soon after to weigh her (9lbs, 11oz) and to bathe her. Lane helped give her her first bath. She loved it. She was fat and squirming. Jean said that I needed "one or two" stitches. I, true to form thus far, begged not to have them. I assured her I would "heal on my own". Ha. :) They gave me something in my I.V. to distract me from the stitches and then Kristin took one leg, Dianne took the other, and Jean stitched on me for 20 minutes. I was completely unprepared for this emotionally. Somehow I thought that once I delivered Lila, it was all over. Dianne says they call postpartum care "the fourth stage of labor" and that many women aren't prepared for facing it. I wasn't. I was very distraught at the stitching and at the pain of my legs being held apart for so long, and I started to cry for the first time during labor. Lane sat behind me on the bed and stroked my hair. Afterwards, Jean said she gave me 20 stitches. Mom says she made that up. She said that she was doing at least 2-3 stitches per minute, times 20 minutes, and that's 40-60 stitches! Ouch!
Afterwards, they made me go to the bathroom and I almost passed out on the toilet. Dianne sat with me until I felt better, but I had to take a wheelchair back to the bed. I mentioned all the blood I had lost, didn't I? Soon, the family came by and each spent 10 minutes with us, taking photos of Lila. I lay in bed and tried not to pass out to sleep. (Believe it or not, within two hours of birth, my pregnancy hives were TOTALLY gone. The body is a strange thing.)
After they took my vitals, Lane and I rested. After an hour or so, we were awakened by the next birthing assistant, Emily, who took more vitals and checked on Lila. All was well, and we went back to sleep. We slept like DEAD PEOPLE.
I was pretty lucky during my birth. Several things could have gone even slightly awry and would have sent me to the hospital. Lila's heartbeat, for example, didn't dip ONCE during the long labor and delivery. Had she shown ANY signs of distress: hospital. I've learned that my daughter is ONE STRONG LADY and I look forward to seeing her grow with that strength. Also, when I tore and they had to cut me, I stopped JUST SHORT of tearing into my sphincter muscles, something that requires honest-to-God surgery with total konking out and intubation and all that fun stuff that can only go on in an operating room at, you guessed it, the hospital. Luckily, I was able to be stitched up by the midwives and didn't have to go through that. I pushed for a very long time, too, something that could have caused Lila distress (see prior comments about her heartbeat), and had I been unable to get Lila out much past when she did come out, I would have had to go to the hospital for a c-section. All that labor and STILL a c-section. NOT desirable.
I'm thrilled with the midwives Jean and Dianne and with the birthing assistant Kristin. They were so encouraging and supportive and knowledgable and EVERYTHING that I needed to have a safe birth and to be as comfortable as I possibly could. Were Lane and I to have another child, I wouldn't hesitate to have it at the birthing center and to have it with no drugs, as I did Lila.
Around 7pm, Emily gave us the rundown on what to do when we got home. I tried hard not to fall back asleep. :) By 8:20, we were beginning to get our things together to leave. Mostly Lane did that and I held Lila and rested. When I tried to stand, I had real troubles and shook all over. Again, blood loss and exhaustion. Dianne, who was coming in for another birth, told me how great I looked compared to earlier. (It was only after I saw myself MUCH later that night that I realized what kind of holy hell I must have looked like for her to say that, since I looked pretty bad hours and hours later.) I rode in the wheelchair to the car, Lila rode in the carseat, and we went home. Lila wore the outfit that I had worn home from the hospital 34 years ago. She was wrapped in a blanket Mom had made for me when I was a baby. The ride home was slow and careful and we arrived just before 9pm.
Mom and Daddy were there, and Mom fixed pork chops. I remember eating, and nursing Lila and I'm pretty sure I sent out a mass email sometime just before crashing into bed. Again, Depends undergarments were there. They are MARVELOUS. Mom and Daddy went home, and Lila spent the first night in bed with us.
Mom and Fran (Lane's mom) came back early the next day to help out, and boy did I need it. This part was almost worse than the birth. I could barely walk. I couldn't lift my feet out of my own diapers. Mom or Lane had to change them for me. I bled a lot. I was extremely sore and weak. I had the shakes like seizures when I tried to move or stand. Mostly, I lay around and walked only to the toilet, the sofa or the bed. Fran had to cross or uncross my ankles for me, I was that weak. Daddy sent two canes so I could walk more easily. Those really helped. Mom and Fran fed me like crazy. I took the first of many sitz baths and washed my hair. I felt more human. :)
By a few days out I had begun to lose what would be 33 lbs by 14 days out of nothing but water weight. It was AMAZING how quickly the water weight came off. Over the next week, I got slowly better. I did as they told me, which was to stay off my feet, DO NOTHING and just nurse Lila. We had family and friends in every day to cook and clean and help out. We were VERY LUCKY to have so much support. I didn't change a diaper for almost seven days. By the end, my butt and lower back ached from sitting for so long. My only exercise was to go to my daily appointments: Monday, birthing center; Tuesday, lactation consultant; Wednesday, weight check; Thursday, pediatrician. Friday was a day of rest. I was very glad to just stay home. Sitz baths every day, in Depends for 10 or more days. After 10 days, I felt SO MUCH BETTER. I had almost all my color back and thought I was really on the mend. I went out with Mom to two stores and BOY did I make a mistake walking, because it set me back big time and I spent the next three days sore and bleeding again. :( Stupid me.
It's now been almost one month since I delivered and I am still sore but I'm much more my old self. My stitches have healed and I'm no longer taking sitz baths daily. I'm able to drive, but not to just leap up when I want to. My knees, hips and feet still ache, but I'm getting better every day. I'm down several shoe sizes and will probably be back in my regular shoes in a few weeks. I'm hopeful I'll get my wedding ring on around the same time. :)
Final scorecard, on a scale from 1-10 (10 being the worst):
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labor: 4
delivery: 7
postpartum: started at 9 (but declining daily - currently a 3, after one month)
last trimester: 10 (I would NEVER do that part again)
Lila is a lot of work, but is a joy and an angel. All of this was worth it to have her. We aren't going to have another one, so we cherish her all the more. :) I look forward to sharing her with all of you.
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