3/5/02

So, a while back, someone sent me email complaining that I don't actually reveal anything about myself on my site. I wrote back, challenging that I have one of the most revealing websites around, when it comes to my life, my doings, my friends. His complaint was that I didn't talk about what I believed, rather than about facts, etc. I didn't really care, because, well, I think I reveal plenty, and it's hard enough to define and outline my beliefs to myself, let alone to someone else, so, really, what's the point?

My point was given to me on Monday, March 4, 2002, when I attended the funeral services of my brother-in-law, David. One of his good friends gave his eulogy, written by my sister Robin. It was full of indications about who he was as a person, and what he believed in and held dear. I started wondering in the car ride home what would be said about me, what would people know, when it came time to put onto paper about what I believe and what I want.

What is going to follow is part eulogy, part belief statement and part just me talkin'. I'm sorry now if parts of what I say don't make sense; not all of it makes sense to me either, but that doesn't stop me from still believing it! That's faith for you.

I'm not writing this to get into any arguments with anyone or to start any kind of flame war. I don't actually care one way or another what anyone else thinks about my beliefs. I fully support the right of each person to feel what they do and to have their own opinions. Dialogues are good. Judgments and flames are not.

When I die, I don't want people saying things like "she WOULD HAVE loved this", "she WAS this and such a girl", etc. I think I'm still around to love those things and to be those things. My relationship with those still living in flesh hasn't ended; it has just transitioned into a different kind of relationship.

I believe in reincarnation. I believe that there is an immortal part of our souls that will go on into eternity, living in one form or another, traveling in the same Karmic circles, with the same spirits who have accompanied us since the beginning. I believe that there is a portion of my soul that is specifically "Dana" and that that portion does have the capability to "die" and to pass from this world into a permanent "otherworldly" place, but that there is a rest of me that goes on, filled with the social consciousness of humankind and with a memories specific to my own immortal soul. I believe that when I die, the part of my soul that is "Dana" will be greeted in that otherworldly place by all those who have gone before me with whom I have shared love. This includes animals, infants and relatives I never met. I believe that when I die, I will still be able to be present at events with people still physically living in flesh, to share in joy or to give support in times of sorrow. I believe that the bond of love is something that survives death and many lifetimes, and will tie us together forever.

I believe that death can be a blessing under the right circumstances, and I support assisted suicide and euthanasia. I believe in having a Living Will so that my relatives and friends won't have to make the really hard decisions without knowing my wishes first.

I believe HUGELY in organ donation. My body is a nothing but a shell housing my immortal spirit, and once I am no longer in it, I have no need for any part of it. I intend to have any viable organs donated upon my death and to have my body given to MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, should they have any need of cadavers for their students. Should they not need what's left after my organs are harvested, I leave it to my family to decide where to send the rest of me.

After I'm "finished", I want to be cremated. I need no fancy casket (a cardboard box will more than suffice). I wouldn't mind a headstone somewhere, but a nice tree planted at a school or a park somewhere with a plaque would be just as welcome. (This is going to sound extremely strange to some people, but any family member or friend who wishes to consume a portion of my ashes has my permission, assuming that the medical folks say you aren't going to keel over shortly thereafter!) If at all possible, I'd like to be cremated while wearing my retainer. I've worn it each night of my life since I was 13 or 14, and I feel a certain symmetry about going out wearing it. If not, no biggie. :)

I do not want an open casket anything. There will be no viewing of any kind. I am no longer in the made-up shell you would see inside the coffin. That is not me. (In fact, the way they've probably done my makeup is pissing me off!)

A selection of photos of me, with various hairstyles (and colors!) should be selected and people should be encouraged to gather and to remember me.

I would prefer no flowers, except maybe for one or two living plants by my photos, and perhaps a very colorful arrangement using African daisies and sunflowers. Donations should be made to the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston in lieu of flowers. Encourage people to plant a tree, or volunteer time in remembrance. I kind of like the thought of a plaque somewhere by a tree, with the following on it: "Here rests a dream - here rests a faith intact." with my name on it, and maybe a bench so people can sit and enjoy the tree.

I'd prefer it if people didn't wear black to the services, but it's hard to get the word out on that kind of thing, so it's not going to make me rise from the grave or anything. I just think that colors are so pretty.

At my funeral, I'd like "Across the Universe", the John Lennon song, played, but I want the version Fiona Apple did. I'm thinking perhaps Willie Nelson's "On the Sunny Side of the Street" and "Uncloudy Day" to wrap things up.

I want people to sing "In the Garden" by Charles Austin Miles, because it would make one of my grandmothers happy.

The thing I value the most in this world is love. Loving others, accepting love...if you can do that, you have everything. I believe in "family by choice", and many of my friends are as close as siblings, and this is how I treat them. I value my friends and family more than anything I could ever possess. It is important to me to support them in whatever makes them happy and healthy, no matter what my own personal feelings are on the subject. I believe in helping and in serving others, whenever possible. I am far more comfortable giving than in receiving, and one of the challenges in my life has been to allow others to do for ME. Needing is extremely difficult for me, but I recognize how much a part of the loving circle is the taking and the giving cycle, and I try to be open to both.

I believe in supporting our veterans. Those who have given of their lives to serve and to protect the freedoms we enjoy in the United States are to be respected, praised and supported. Those who died while serving are to be especially remembered, but those who lived, in a way, died too, because anyone who returns from combat is never the same; they have truly given their lives and their childhoods, who they were before, away for the rest of us. They are altered irrevocably, and should be thanked and respected and given nothing but patience and support from the rest of us!

I believe in tolerance. I believe in respect. I believe in discussion and debate over shouting and arguing. I believe in being an open person, with both an open heart and an open mind (it IS possible to have only one or the other). I believe in trying to understand where a person is coming from before I feel one way or another about them, and, even then, I try to keep my emotions on the side so that I can best be a friend to someone.

I love animals. Some of my greatest relationships have been with dogs, cats, rabbits or horses. Houses without animals seem devoid somehow.

I believe in saving things, whether it's people or animals. Everyone needs second chances!

I write poetry.

I dance.

I try to be as kind and forgiving of myself as I would be to someone else.

Hair grows back. Don't get stuck in your physical being (or your job!) as WHO YOU ARE. Try new things with yourself and your surroundings and you will avoid mental and spiritual stagnation!

I love children. They are all beautiful and are all worth the time we should spend helping them grow up happy and healthy. Too many do not, and it affects us all.

I love to cook for people. From tiny groups to large parties, I love putting something together at my home that allows family and friends to gather and to feel safe and happy and loved. I strive to make people comfortable in my home and comfortable being themselves there.

I believe that gender orientation and preference is just another facet of someone's life, and does not make them less a feeling person, deserving of all of our respect and kindnesses. I believe there is no black and white when it comes to gender orientation and preference, but that we are all on a continuum, a sliding scale, if you will.

I believe in grey. I believe that ALL things fall into the "grey fuzziness", if you look at them long enough. Nothing is ever as simple as you believe. Look for the grey and try to understand it, and you will find yourself understanding humankind better and you will realize how similar we all are.

I believe in taking pleasure in the simple things and for finding joy and goodness inside every situation. I believe we find what we seek, so if you seek joy, you will find it. If you seek sadness, then you will find that too.

I believe that if you love, you will hurt. This is the yin and the yang of love, in that if you give yourself over to loving someone or something, you will, one day, one way or another, lose that person or thing in the way with which you are familiar with them, and that this will be painful.

It is also extremely beneficial, in that, through grief, we can become stronger and more aware and more caring than we ever thought we could be. I look to Sept 11th as an example of this, in that I know so many people who really stepped back and said "What's important in my life? What do I want to accomplish on this earth? What can I DO?" I feel I am a kinder person, a more compassionate person, for every loss I have ever had, for every tear I've ever shed. I do not regret one person I've loved, nor any of the people I've lost. They are all still with me, in my thoughts and in my heart.

I define myself not by my failures, but by how I rebound from them. I try my best, even when that means I'm struggling sometimes. Life is one lesson after another, and sometimes the SAME DAMN lesson over and over. I figure the sooner I start getting it right, the sooner I don't have to keep learning that lesson. (Did I mention that I struggle sometimes?)

I believe in one God. I believe that my God is the same God of the Arabs, of the American Indians, of the Christians. I believe that God is love, and when we love, we are expressing God's love through us while we are simultaneously serving God.

I am not comfortable referring to God as "He".

I believe that nature and newborn babies are God's purest expression on earth.

I believe in spirituality, not necessarily in organized religion. I believe that it does many people a lot of good to gather and to tell each other "I believe what you believe", but I feel that you can reach just as great an understanding of the nature of God by sitting on a hill for a day, watching the sun rise and set and just plain thinking. I have known many people who hurt others by their actions or their judgments in the name of their god, but I think this probably pisses the real God off. God wants us to love each other and ourselves, and when we do neither, God is sad.

I believe that it is not so much important WHAT you believe, but that you believe in something, some higher power, higher purpose, to begin with.

I believe in forgiveness, for ourselves and for others. I believe God wants this, too.

Frank Lloyd Wright said "I believe in God, only I spell it nature." This is the most succinct quote I've found to fit me.

I think of God as a universal power, something that connects all living things.

I believe that when you have an emotional connection with someone, you have a tie to them, no matter where they are, like a silver thread of energy between your heart and theirs. I believe that these ties will draw us to these people again and again in our lives. I believe that when we move about, we leave a residue of ourselves and our energy and love behind us, like we're spinning a web of our movements and travels. I believe that these energies can draw people to us, and that people with whom we have a connection will be affected by them.

I think the earth is a living thing. I believe in the power of the universe to bring about happenings for people. I believe that if you speak something out loud, you give it power. I believe that if you think something, you give it power over you, and you need to be careful with your thoughts. A friend sent me this in email:

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive because your words become your actions.
Keep your actions positive because your actions become your habits.
Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values.
Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.

My favorite passage in the Bible is I Corinthians 13.

My mother is my favorite cook.

My parents are my heroes.

I believe in birdfeeders and in windchimes and in trees, trees and more trees.

I like to make noise, but I also LOVE silence.

I believe in communication and in dialogue. I believe in being as straightforward as possible, without being cruel or tactless.

I believe in knowing yourself and what you need in order to be happy and healthy. Pursue those things. Eschew those things that bring the black cloud over your life.

Manners count.

Be kind.

Love. Forgive. Live. Help. Ask. Have faith.

I believe it's all going to be OK. I really do.

Thanks for listening.

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